Whenever I say I’ve been married 57 years, I always get this question: “To the same person?” 

Yes: Mr. Boulware and I tied the knot when I was 18, and he was 19. Four children, five grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren later, my husband and I still like each other. Most days. 

Though it’s usually said in jest, the reaction to the length of our long-term marriage specifically  — disbelief, surprise, even curiosity — is also indicative of society’s evolving attitudes towards marriage in general. That’s especially true in the Black community, where only around 3 in 10 people are married, and Black women are significantly less likely than white women to jump the broom.

In past decades, marriage used to be almost always a foregone conclusion or a rite of passage. Now, it’s more of an object for contemplation: a maybe. A possibility. Or not.

Now, Black clergy who preside over the matrimonial ceremony are working to overcome that hesitancy.

‘Marriage is Better’

More Black faith leaders are talking to their congregants about marriage: why they should consider it, the personal and spiritual value Christians can gain from it, and what they should know before heading to the altar. The benefits, they say, range from personal happiness and better health to strengthened faith.

”If you take church out of it altogether, and you look financially, marriage is better,” says Rev. LatDoir Glasper, founding pastor of Kingdom Life Church in Olive Branch, Mississippi, ticking off a list of ways marriage improves lives. “Health? Marriage is better. Relationally, marriage is better. Companionship? Marriage is better.”

For the Black church, marriage has long been a tool for building stability socially and economically, in communities shaped by inequality. Many pastors see marriage as a pathway to stronger finances, shared caregiving, and the kind of resilience families need to weather crises.

When we get to a certain age, it ain’t about chicks and sex. It’s about somebody who can lay their head on your shoulder and cry with [you] and watch a movie with and laugh with.REV. LATDOIR GLASPER, KINGDOM LIFE CHURCH, OLIVE BRANCH, MISSISSIPPI,

One important touchstone in the ongoing movement promoting Black marriage is the May 2, 2021, sermon from the Rev. Dr. Charlie E. Dates, senior pastor of sister churches Salem and Progressive Baptist, in Chicago. He believes marriage in Christianity is part of discipleship and covenant life rather than simply a social milestone. 

But he had a specific message for Black men: honor your romantic partner with marriage.

“Don’t ask a woman to give you the privileges of a wife when you won’t give her the promise,” he said. “A Godly man is willing to stand before God and people and say, ‘This is my wife. If God has given you a woman to love, honor her with marriage.”

Setbacks and Challenges

Still, couples don’t always get marriage right on the first go-round. That was the case with Voncille and Melvin Greene, lay marriage counselors and members of First Baptist Church of Glenarden International in Upper Marlboro, Maryland. 

The couple found one another after Voncille Greene’s first marriage had failed, and after Greene had become a widower during his second marriage. The couple dispenses marital advice in their online show, “Living a Godly Marriage.”

Their approach is grounded in life experience; both were older singles who rebuilt their lives after devastating personal setbacks. A bacterial infection left Voncille Greene a double amputee, and Mel Greene became a single dad to two young children after his wife died of a terminal illness. 

The foundation of marriage is simple, Melvin Greene says. 

“God is the architect,” he says. “The Bible is his blueprint, and Jesus must be the cornerstone.” But emotions, Voncelle Greene says, are just as important: couples must keep romance, connection, and friendship alive. 

Before saying, “I do,” the couple took classes to learn what they consider the blueprints for successful marriage. It included tutorials on handling hard times, overcoming challenges, and working through disagreements.

“God has been faithful to bless us,” Melvin Greene says. “Again, all marriages will have storms and winter seasons. But I think that’s when you find out” if a union was built on solid ground, or quicksand. 

Commitment and Compromise

Glasper, the Mississippi pastor, says that when he got married, “I focused on being a spouse, not just having one.” That meant forming a durable, intentional partnership with his wife, something that people admire, even if they struggle to emulate. 

“When I say I’ve been faithful to my wife for 31 years, people applaud,” he says, incredulous. “Why? That’s my reasonable service.”

Marriage has gotten a bad rap because too many couples set bad examples, looking “depressed, not joy-filled or excited,” Glasper says. “Young people look at them and say, ‘I don’t want that. I don’t want a ball and chain around my neck.’”

Bishop Michael Smith, senior pastor of New Bethel House of Prayer in Baltimore, says couples must see their union as a three-way relationship: between husband and wife, and the couple’s relationship with God. Almost as important, he says, is understanding that marriage requires commitment and compromise.

“If you go to get a driver’s license, you have to learn the rules of the road,” he says. “But people jump up and get married with no type of training or information. While I won’t say it won’t work, it’s probably going to be difficult.”

‘Why Do You Wanna Be Married?’

For those who don’t ascribe to faith-based marriage instruction, Smith, who’s been married for 35 years, gives principles of marriage without scripture or verse. 

“What’s your blueprint? What’s your plan?” he says. “When you get mad at her, what are you going to do? You know, if everybody is supposedly in love. But after you have sex and you calm down, now y’all gotta live with each other.”

But a more fundamental question must be answered, he says: “Why do you wanna be married? What is it that you’re attempting to accomplish?”

Glasper, the Mississippi pastor, says he takes a “return-on-investment” approach when coaching secular couples. 

“What is the return you want on your investment?” he says. “What happens when you get sick? What happens when you get old? What happens when you’re 45, and your body doesn’t function like it used to?” 

For men, ”when we get to a certain age, it ain’t about chicks and sex,” says Glasper. “It’s about somebody who can lay their head on your shoulder and cry with [you] and watch a movie with and laugh with. I think we do a disservice to throw scriptures at people, instead of throwing ourselves at them.”

This story was originally published on Word In Black on March 31st, 2026

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